Blogging Again

So, I'm back..
Shall recap some of my previous stuff? Yes, I think so. I don't know what I'm going to be blogging about nor do I know how often I will. I've made 'promises' in the past that'd it would be a daily thing and I didn't last too long on that. I've also said that I would do every other day.. and that doesn't work either. I will just say that I will blog when I have something to say. That work for everyone? GREAT.


So, let's get started shall we?
The next few days will be just a recap of the things that I've said before.


Low Tolerance Level..
"I'm tired of bein' hit on.
I know, who honestly complains about this, riight?

I'm just over it.
I know I look amazing.
I know I have a great rack.
I know I have a great body.

I don't really care. All that you are doing is making
me feel like some sort of object or prize to you. It
would fly if we were involved in some sort of sexual
game or whatever. But, we aren't.

I'm tired of being just someone you look at and make
rude comments to. I won't fuck you. I won't fall in love
with you. I don't want anything to do with you. Really.
Just show me some god damn respect. FUCK."



Hello, Darkness (2013).
"I don't want this to be a pity post.
I don't want anyone to read this and be like, wow.. okay. Suck it up.
I just want to type this out in hopes of waking myself up a little bit.

I have the power to be great, to be happy, to be surrounded by people and successful.
But, I choose to be alone. I choose to sit in the darkness.  Maybe it is anxiety, I don't know. I just can't put myself out there. I feel like no one will understand why I am how I am.

Why I just can't be like the rest of them.. despite the want to be just like that rest. To have a smile on my face and be at ease. Is this even depression? What is wrong with me?

I honestly don't think I even know. But, I can tell you what I do know and how I do feel.  I feel alone, I feel empty. I feel sad and I feel like it is hard to breathe. Like, I could just stop and it would make everything better. HOWEVER, on the opposite side of this, I feel happy, I feel accomplished.. I don't always feel low, but when I do, it hits me to the point where I struggle to do anything but cry. It is just a phase?

That's what I always told growing up, that I would outgrow it. That it was teen angst. 12 odd years later, several attempts at suicide and cutting; I still find myself in this struggle. When it hits me, it hits me like a wave. Everything simply gets washed away and put into a mess; struggles to resurface ensue. I'm drowning here and I don't know how to stay afloat.."